Catch Your Self

May 23rd in Toronto and though the temperature has warmed up enough that I don’t need my winter coat, the gloomy skies of the past few months continue to lurk overhead. I feel myself teetering on the edge of darkness, it’s waiting with open arms to suck me in. My unmade bed calling me back to safety. Forcing myself to sit at my laptop and type proper words over the continuous and monotonous Facebook scroll of the last few hours. I’m tired and waiting for my second caffeine blast to kick in. I know what this is. I’ve been here so many times before, the trick is which side wins?

Catch Your Self. Capital S-Self. Take a big breath. Take another. This is temporary, or it can be. The easy choice is to cut myself off, cancel my appointments, crawl into bed, stare at the wall or scroll my social media feeds one more time, take a nap, put on the TV and keep going down and down while the spin of ugly thoughts take over. Or – I can put on some music, dig out some energizing essential oil (anything citrus is an easy go to) get in the shower and brush my teeth. Keep writing. Roll out my mat, go to the gym, walk the neighborhood, essentially switch gears. 

There is nothing “wrong” a few grey clouds, PMS, but somehow it’s enough to spark what I’ve called in the past the slow burn. The only person that can stop this dead in its tracks is me. I have to make the choice of who wins and today I’m not giving in. I’m reminded of the Cherokee story of the Two Wolves: 

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

(source: https://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html)

 Who are you feeding today? I’ve made my decision, and I am going to push in to the light.

Namasté